The Wife of a Triathlete
Being the wife of a triathlete has been very rewarding and very challenging. To be clear, I am not the best triathlete wife. Not even close. So if you are looking for the wife that trains and races with her husband - that’s not me. Keep looking. I met Justin the fall of 2003. He had just completed his first triathlon and told me all about it. I was and am still not very athletic, but I was impressed by his determination. After getting married he convinced me to do a triathlon. I started with a sprint and worked my way up to a half ironman. It was great to have that piece of our lives in common, but to be honest I was doing it all for him. I really didn’t love it like he did. So after that half ironman in 2010 I hung up my lycra suit and went about my business as the support team for my husband. Those first few triathlons I could really get into it for him - especially when he started doing Ironman distance races. To be real with you though, it was hard. He was training 10-20 hours a week on top of his job. He could eat 3x the calories I could and then run out the door for another training session. It felt like if I wasn’t on the triathlon train with him, I was on my own. He was gone most of time. Then on those long event days I would come out, generally not knowing too many people, and cheer him on. Those first few races I was the best wife ever, I would track his projected times and find him on all the bike parking routes near aide stations and cheer him on. Then he would hit the run course and I’d find a few more spots to track him and give him a boost. Many times on those runs he would beg to quit and I would have to remind him that he trained far too hard to quit - no matter how many times he had to run to the bathroom. What I wanted to say was, YOU SPENT ALL THIS TIME AWAY FROM ME FOR THIS STUPID RACE AND NOW YOU WANT TO QUIT! But I held back. Once we started having children, being at the races was increasingly difficult. The crowds are huge, parking is a nightmare, driving anywhere is a nightmare… and now I have diapers, feedings and naptimes to worry about. It got to a point where there was maybe one race a year I would commit to attending with him - with the kids in tow. Now, we make it work and I complain as little as I can manage… which is still too much. Ultimately I appreciate the drive and determination my husband has for his health - and if that means triathlon, then so be it. Tri on my love. Tri on.
Best practices for Spouses of Triathletes:
Set Clear Boundaries and Expectations: I asked my husband to be home every night by 6pm on weeknights - that means training is done, work is done, and showering done. He is all mine after 6pm. For the weekends I asked him to be done by noon. For him, that meant he had to get his butt up at 5am and get those workouts in. He would schedule his long distance workouts for the weekends, but would still have to get up early to be done by noon. On weekdays he would do a workout before work and again something after work. This worked really well for the both of us. For us, family comes first. Find a way to make that happen.
Get them into a triathlon group: Listen, I don’t love triathlon like my husband does. I couldn’t support him as much as he wanted me too, because quite frankly the thought of talking about triathlon for hours on end bores me to tears. Sorry triathletes… not my cup of tea. Those first years of triathlon I insisted he find a local triathlon group to get involved with so he could find support with other like-minded people. He did this and it was a game changer! I met other spouses of triathletes that also weren’t into it, but went along with their spouses hobbies. We love them. We do what we can to support them. But also that doesn’t mean I’m going to get my tights on and start running laps around the track with you. I’ll be in the middle of the field with my skinny margarita and bull-horn. GO GET EM TIGER!
Race Day: Plan Plan Plan. I am crowd-phobic. I am short and I hate crowds. I pictured myself being trampled by human seals, run over by aggressive bikers, and chased down by lycra running suits more than once. I really hate getting up early, but I hate figuring out parking more - so I would drive into the race with my husband on race day. That means we get up at some dark hour of the morning - encourage him to eat even though he is having massive anxiety… because honey… we didn’t do all this training for you to quit on race day. Get it together and eat a damn bagel. (You should probably be nicer about this, I’ve had years of experience and my sarcasm meter is generally overboard) Ok…. let me start over. You need to know what their race day plan is. Goal: Get them to the finish so all those training days were worth while.
Case the place: Take a tour of the race course with your spouse the day before the race. Look for places you can park and hang out. Many of the roads will be closed on race day - often you won’t be able to access the bike course at all. What will you do when they are on a 4 hour bike ride (if this is an ironman?). Bring chargers for your devices - bring things to do for kids. Bring snacks!! Not all race locations have restaurants or food trucks.
Make some cheer signs. You could even do this during race day if this is going to be a race longer than 4-5 hours. Bring markers and a giant cardboard sheet. If you are bringing kids, have them make signs as well. If you are a super-fan, have shirts made up.
Nutrition: They need to eat breakfast at least 90 minutes before the race. Something that will get them through that first 2 hours of the race. They need a plan. Now, you are not their nutritionist but you can tell them to get one and figure out the meal plan so you can help them follow it. I get up with my husband and eat breakfast with him - once that was at 3am. I know, I should win an award.
Plan your day: Get a map of race day. Ask your spouse for their expected finish times - swim, bike, and run. Write these times down - do the math before hand. If they start swimming at 7am and plan to be done in 1 hour that’s 8am then transition takes 2 minutes and the bike is another 6 hours plus transition then the run is another 3 hours. Then adjust as they come in. Swim took 1:10 hours, transition took 6 min, and bike at half way point they are at 2:45 … what is potential finish time? I don’t know … I’m not a math teacher. I just had a panic attack righting that. But it’s what I’ve done before. Some races will have trackers for your athletes - and some racers will have watches that you can track. Maybe just buy your loved one a watch so you don’t die of math-death. Its a real thing, I read about it once. Or it was a nightmare… or daymare. Either way take math-death seriously.
Transition: Know where their transition spot is. Some people bring balloons to mark their transition spot - usually for the benefit of the athlete finding their stuff but it also helps the families find their person.
Swim: Let me tell you, if its a wet suit friendly race you will not recognize your spouse from the hundreds of other humanoid seals out there. You need a general idea of their swim time - be at the swim finish 10 min before they thought they would finish. Have a route from the swim finish to the transition area - WITHOUT CROSSING THE ATHLETE LINES. You have more brain space than the athletes do so plan your route to ensure you are not cutting off an athlete that just swam 2 miles in shark infested waters (Yes, I do believe sharks are in all waters… thus I don’t swim in them). I apologize… I’m very sarcastic and can’t always control it.
Bike: Shout all your encouraging words to your spouse from the edge of the transition area. Only athletes are allowed in transition - Do not think you are special and run in there… its very chaotic in that area - you do not want to be there. Plus it messes up a whole lot of things so just stay in your designated areas. The bike is the longest part of the race. You are gonna get real bored. Its guaranteed. Unless of course you love the sport of triathlon and you want to be the super fan and encourage every racer - in which case this is your time to shine. I choose napping. This is the time you can take the kids and go play in the lake if their is a beach - do not play anywhere near where the athletes are racing. If you are in a town, go for a walk - find a park. Remember, you can’t really drive in and out of these places so don’t plan on driving anywhere. If you insist upon being a superfan, you can potentially drive around and find your spouse on the route. I’ve done this a few times, but it gets hairy with all the cyclists and road closures. Just be aware and try not to kill anyone. K thanks.
Run: You can’t run next to your spouse during the race - also if you have children you will leave them behind and someone might snatch them up and give them an energy drink… focus. Give them some encouraging words at their transition spot and go find a place to cheer the other racers on. Generally race directors create a run course that is easy for spectators to cheer racers on. Or they will loop the course so you can see your person a couple of times.
Finish: Listen, your partner just worked their tail off to finish this race. Once when I was a superfan, I had purchased in and out for my husband and held it out in front of him when he had one mile left in the race. That was early in our marriage when we didn’t have kids. He still talks about how awesome that was. I’m glad it was memorable because I probably won’t have the wherewithal to remember to do it again. Just be at the finish. They are looking for YOU! It’s a big disappointment to an athlete when they have gotten through the whole race only to not find their family there. So if you skip every other piece of advice I have here, be there for finish. That’s your number one goal. When my guy finishes a race, he is done. He can barely walk - unless the race course offers beer or tacos … in which case he can make it only that far. REMEMBER: Race food is for athletes only. Bring your own snacks. You had a long day too - your spouse is probably not going to commend you on your spectacular spectating abilities (at least not today). Take that bit of knowledge and take your human home to recover. You will also be recovering, because the truth of the matter is, you probably ran a 10k today trying to figure out where your athlete was at, where your kids are at, where your snacks are at, ect. You did good spectating! I shall send you a Spectating Medal!! It will be the best medal you have ever seen! It will be wine. I’m sending you wine. Maybe just a coupon for wine. I have a lot going on ok.
What if they don’t finish? Well. We all did our best out there didn’t we? We supported our spouse through their training, we supported them on race day, and for whatever reason that generally we cannot control, they don’t finish. This is devastating (usually). Don’t be a jerk. Hopefully your person has a support group of other tri-addicts who can help them through this difficult time. If your person does not have this support group - find them one immediately. Make friends on the race course. Set up a blind-date for your person to meet another athlete at a similar level to them. Listen, we did not sign up for this sport, they did. We love the crap out of them, but we can’t be their sole support system. Sometimes that means we have to find their support system.
Thanks for following along on this exceptionally long spouses guide to triathlon. I appreciate your ability to follow my sarcasm and nuances, really you have done well to get this far. If you want to read more of my banter, you can find my blog at www.sheilakchester.com - it has nothing to do with triathlon. Reach out to my husband “Coach Justin” if you want to ask me any questions about being a tri-spouse. I’m as authentic as they come and promise to tell it like it is.